My name’s Fernando Lagos. And the truth is, I’ve got , big ears that stick forward a bit. In my old class, no one ever laughed at me ‘cos of this because we’d known each other for ever and no one had paid any attention to my ears, or they seemed normal to them, or at least no one thought the size of ears was cause for laughter. But this school year…

EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK

I had decided to become a collector of children’s problems. It was a most original collection, unrepeatable. But I wasn’t in search of unique pieces of great value. Rather I was looking for ideas to solve my problem. To get my classmates to confide their problems in me was not going to be easy so I decided to encourage them with the incentive of giving them bags of sweets.

The best bags of sweets that were given out at school, I reckon, were mine, because I’m the nephew of Paco Olmo, the owner of the best sweet shop in the district, by miles. And the bags my uncle makes up are really original and really great.

I turned up at my uncle’s shop with all my savings in my pocket, ready to buy the bags of sweets with which I would later buy the confidential problems of my schoolmates.

My uncle made up twenty wonderful bags. Outside they were made of coloured cellophane and inside he put in a variety of wine gums, chocolate eggs, sherbet, liquorice, lollipops and even figures of planes, cars and dolls.

It took him a while to get them ready while he was telling me he was planning to expand the shop to include nuts and toys at one euro, asking me what I thought of the project. I think my uncle’s great because he makes me feel important!

In a serious voice I suggested he could use the back of the shop to hold birthday parties... The idea, I reckon, was a really good one, but it made me sad because it made me think about my next birthday. Would there be anyone other than Eduardo who would feel like going to the birthday party of a big ears? And thinking about that must have made my face change, because my uncle asked me several times what the matter was.

I looked at him and saw that his ears were normal. Of course, my uncle’s on my mother’s side! He would never understand me. I kept quiet and, despite insisting on paying him with my savings, he wouldn’t take any money from me.

Although things weren’t going too well for me, I thought that that was quite a positive part of my life: having an uncle who’s a sweetshop owner.(…)

Word got round right away that the one with the big ears was giving away bags of sweets in exchange for revealing intimate, personal problems. They had to write them down on a sheet of paper and, if they were really good problems and they contributed a solution, I gave them a fantastic bag of sweets.

So they did not feel too apprehensive, I told them their problems were absolutely safe with me and that I’d never tell anyone about them, not even if I was subjected to torture.

The first day, nobody came forward with their problems.

The second day, two girls from my class came up to me holding hands and gave me two sheets of paper. On one it said “Marta’s superproblem” and on the other “A whopping problem for Débora”.